5PM Fiction 036: A woman by comparison

Welcome to the thirty-sixth in the series: 5pm Fiction.

Late April 2011 I discovered http://StoryADay.org and the project that is to write 31 stories in 31 days. Anyone who knows me or follows this blog, knows how passionate I am about short stories so my clichéd eyes lit up at this new marvel. And just a few days later there I was, breathing life into new characters. This went on to become (with some editing of course) my 31-story collection eBook Story A Day May 2011.

I was nearing completion of the 2012 project when I decided that I didn’t want to stop at the end of May so 5PM Fiction was born. I put a load of prompts on the 5PM Fiction page and today’s was to write a second-person viewpoint story featuring a new couple, so here is my 270-worder.

A woman by comparison

Hoping you’re convincing enough, you laugh at the comedian on the TV. You don’t find him funny but Laura does and you’re still trying to impress. She looks at you with her big Bambi eyes and you laugh again. She smiles, says nothing, then looks back at the TV. You don’t want to be watching anything, you’d rather be kissing her, stroking her neck, making her quiver like you did the other girls, except Laura’s more special… more resistant. You’d never have waited this long with Tracey or Kim but they’d barely lasted to third date anyway. You get bored easily and you’ve impressed yourself that you’re still here, waiting, not out trying, and usually succeeding, to find a replacement.

Laura is a woman by comparison. Your mother knows her mother and thought you’d be a good match… tame you, you think this means.

The programme finishes and Laura picks up the remote, switching off the television. She then turns to you, smiles and strokes the side of your face. The house is quiet and you debate whether to take things further here or lead her upstairs. Making love on the sofa is seedy which has never bothered you before but you have new bed sheets. You go to take her hand but she leans in, tilts her head as if to kiss your mouth but veers away and you feel her cheek brush yours. You close your eyes and wait for her to kiss your neck, which she does, but then your eyelids thrust open as you feel the sharp pressure on your skin, and your blood draining away.

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Unfortunately, as I post an interview a day (amongst other things) I can’t review books but I have a feature called ‘Short Story Saturdays’ where I review stories of up to 2,500 words. Alternatively if you have a short story or self-contained novel extract / short chapter (ideally up to 1000 words) that you’d like critiqued and don’t mind me reading it / talking about and critiquing it (I send you the transcription afterwards so you can use the comments or ignore them)  on my ‘Bailey’s Writing Tips’ podcast, then do email me. They are weekly episodes, usually released Monday mornings UK time, interweaving the recordings between the red pen sessions with the hints & tips episodes. I am now also looking for flash fiction (<1000 words) for Flash Fiction Fridays and poetry for Post-weekend Poetry.

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