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5PM Fiction 099: Empathy, sympathy, sorrow

07 Sep

Welcome to the ninety-ninth in this daily series that is ‘5pm Fiction’.

Late April 2011 I discovered http://StoryADay.org and the project that is to write 31 stories in 31 days. Anyone who knows me or follows this blog, knows how passionate I am about short stories so my clichéd eyes lit up at this new marvel. And just a few days later there I was, breathing life into new characters. This went on to become (with some editing of course) my 31-story collection eBook Story A Day May 2011.

I was nearing completion of the 2012 project when I decided that I didn’t want to stop at the end of May so 5PM Fiction was born. I put a load of prompts on the 5PM Fiction page and today’s was to write a second person viewpoint story featuring two generations, so here is my 326-worder.

Empathy, sympathy, sorrow

It’s the smell you remember and you picture her face; wrinkled like the laundry as it comes out of her old spin dryer. But something changed. She changed. She started to forget; the setting on the washing machine, not to put the red blanket in with the whites.

Your grandfather laughed as he put on his baby-pink shirt which now matched his light-rose socks. “Men should wear pink more often,” he’d said to her when she’d looked worried and her face smoothed but then he’d looked at you and you both knew what that meant.

Then it got worse; she’d get the shopping wrong, cook meals that didn’t go together, buy ingredients she’d never use – you’d had to take back all those bananas to the man on the market stall and apologise that she really didn’t need so many.

She started imagining things; pets long dead, people from school or neighbours she’d lost contact with. It was the bat circling the sky above your home that morning that had signalled the change for you; its foreboding, the sound of its wings beating against the late autumn breeze, yet she’d smiled and sung to it, the song she’d sung to you all those years ago.

As she’d opened the front door, you wondered if it was too soon, you’d made a mistake, that she was fine, but then you’d followed her into the kitchen and watched as she’d gone to put the kettle on the hob, and you’d grabbed it before the plastic had had a chance to melt. That’s what you were doing; melting, your empathy turning to sympathy turning to sorrow.

Then your grandfather appeared and put his hand on your shoulder, smiling briefly, and nodding as if taking the responsibility for the decision you’d made together. He’d helped her put on her favourite coat, given her her handbag, and picked up her small beige suitcase as she followed you back out the front door.

***

Photography courtesy of morguefile.com.

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Unfortunately, as I post an interview a day (amongst other things) I can’t review books but I have a feature called ‘Short Story Saturdays’ where I review stories of up to 2,500 words. Alternatively if you have a short story or self-contained novel extract / short chapter (ideally up to 1000 words) that you’d like critiqued and don’t mind me reading it / talking about and critiquing it (I send you the transcription afterwards so you can use the comments or ignore them) :)  on my ‘Bailey’s Writing Tips’ podcast, then do email me. They are fortnightly episodes, usually released on Sundays, interweaving the recordings between the red pen sessions with the hints & tips episodes. I am now also looking for flash fiction (<1000 words) for Flash Fiction Fridays and poetry for Post-weekend Poetry.

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10 Comments

Posted by on September 7, 2012 in ebooks, ideas, short stories, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

10 Responses to 5PM Fiction 099: Empathy, sympathy, sorrow

  1. Yvonne Hertzberger

    September 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    A sad thing many of u must face at some time. sensitively put.

     
  2. morgenbailey

    September 7, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Thank you, Yvonne. :)

     
  3. afteroldjoe

    September 7, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    I read this and cried like a baby. Many of the things in the story happened to my grandmother, and you feel like such a traitor taking them to the nursing home, even though it has to be done. Thanks for a lovely story.

     
    • morgenbailey

      September 7, 2012 at 10:54 pm

      Oh wow. I feel bad now for saying “you’re welcome” but you’re welcome. I’m honoured that my story felt so realistic. Thank you, Angie.

       
      • afteroldjoe

        September 7, 2012 at 11:29 pm

        No, don’t feel bad. It’s always kind of cathartic to have a cry like that.

         
  4. morgenbailey

    September 8, 2012 at 9:16 am

    :) I’m as tough as Rambo’s boots in a crisis but give me a soppy movie and there’s more blubber than Moby Dick. :D

     
  5. jimcopeland

    September 8, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Very good! I enjoyed it thoroughly. It brought back memories!
    James M. Copeland

     
  6. morgenbailey

    September 8, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Thank you very much, James.

     
  7. Tony

    September 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Morgen, another pluck of my rusty heart-strings. Beautifully put.

     
  8. morgenbailey

    September 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Thank you very much, Tony.

     

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