Welcome to the one hundred and fourth in this daily series that is ‘5pm Fiction’.
Late April 2011 I discovered http://StoryADay.org and the project that is to write 31 stories in 31 days. Anyone who knows me or follows this blog, knows how passionate I am about short stories so my clichéd eyes lit up at this new marvel. And just a few days later there I was, breathing life into new characters. This went on to become (with some editing of course) my 31-story collection eBook Story A Day May 2011.
I was nearing completion of the 2012 project when I decided that I didn’t want to stop at the end of May so 5PM Fiction was born. I put a load of prompts on the 5PM Fiction page and today’s was to write a monologue from the prompt ‘He doesn’t look right’, so here is my 133-worder (based on a true story!).
He doesn’t look right
I can’t believe he just did that; stuffed a plastic bag into the hedge then go back… I thought to pull it out, but he pushed it in further, encouraged by his girlfriend.
Of course if I say something they might turn on me. I’m only little.
4’7”
Always been little… of course I have. Was 4’7” at school, might be even shorter…
Do your parents litter the countryside too? Or is it just you?… or just her? I saw her talking to you when you did it. You don’t? Of course you do. She does too or she wouldn’t have encouraged you.
And you’ve parked on the grass, it just gets better. Bet you hog the middle lane on the motorway.
Road rage.
No Beryl. Don’t say anything… he doesn’t look right.
***
Photography courtesy of morguefile.com.
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Unfortunately, as I post an interview a day (amongst other things) I can’t review books but I have a feature called ‘Short Story Saturdays’ where I review stories of up to 2,500 words. Alternatively if you have a short story or self-contained novel extract / short chapter (ideally up to 1000 words) that you’d like critiqued and don’t mind me reading it / talking about and critiquing it (I send you the transcription afterwards so you can use the comments or ignore them) 
on my ‘Bailey’s Writing Tips’ podcast, then do email me. They are fortnightly episodes, usually released on Sundays, interweaving the recordings between the red pen sessions with the hints & tips episodes. I am now also looking for flash fiction (<1000 words) for Flash Fiction Fridays and poetry for Post-weekend Poetry.
Rita Kuehn
September 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm
Hey Morgen, just popped over from linkedin to read some of your 5 PM fiction. This was a fun read, and I don’t know if you planned it this way, but the end gave a little twist to the story….the point of view character (you) was elaborating on the man’s littering, giving an indignant, perhaps tongue-in-cheek account of how the gesture was most likely an indication of what other “crimes” he may be capable of committing…So you seem upset with him, but that emotion turns to fear when it looks like Beryl is going to say something to him.
It’s like, yes, I’m upset with him, he’s capable of road rage, but, oh no wait, he doesn’t look right, don’t anybody move.
Rita Kuehn
September 12, 2012 at 7:04 pm
I forgot to mention that anyone who stuffs a bag into a hedge is probably a little off their rocker.
morgenbailey
September 12, 2012 at 8:04 pm
Thank you very much, Rita. Lovely to see you. This happened only a few weeks ago and I was SO tempted to say something. I’m not tiny (nearly 6ft / 1.8 metres) but I still wanted to say something but didn’t. I just glared at him instead but water off a proverbial duck’s back, I think. Apart from that he looked like a decent guy so it was a shame. I’m sure if the girlfriend hadn’t been there he wouldn’t have done it.