Guest post: How to tackle a writer’s bottom by Jane Wenham-Jones

Tonight’s (extra) guest blog post, on the topic of being a trim writer, is brought to you by novelist, speaker, journalist, tutor, presenter and writing guru Jane Wenham-Jones.

How to tackle a writer’s bottom

“My BMI is 22, my hip to waist ratio passes muster with the medical profession and given the right light, when wearing the right underwear, I have even been referred to “slim”. A small miracle given my alcohol intake, addiction to crisps and erratic approach to exercise….”

So speaks Jane Wenham-Jones, the author who coined the term “Writer’s Bottom”. Here, she brings you her top 100 tips for keeping a spreading rear end at bay. Quirky, hilarious, uplifting, occasionally bizarre, every one of these tried-and-tested methods will have you looking and feeling slimmer and fitter – even with a glass in your hand.

Tonight, Jane tells us more about 100 Ways to Fight the Flab – The Wannabe Guide to a Better Bottom…

I take the credit for coining the term “Writer’s Bottom” – the lardy backside you get when you sit on it too long cos you’re penning your masterpiece. And now consider myself a bit of an expert. I wrote a chapter on the syndrome in my first how-to book: Wannabe a Writer? And it’s the section of the book readers seem to mention the most so I thought it might be fun to expand on my dietary and fitness advice. Not that it is probably quite the right description. I doubt it is the sort of thing your doctor or nutritionist would probably point you towards, involving as it does, crisps wine and chocolate, but look at it this way – I am not morbidly obese (which is a small miracle). So it must work.

All the tips are tried and tested (with the possible exception of having lots of fantastic sex) and I am hoping for positive feedback from my hordes of grateful readers (before and after pictures especially welcome).

Interviewers so far – queuing round the block, natch, to learn my secrets – seem less interested in my quirkiest method for toning one’s gluts and only keen to establish which foods I love and hate. So here goes:

I like small nibbley things that go with champagne. I love canapés and little salty things and those paper cones of tiny fish and chips. Also you can’t beat really great bread with butter. With a chilled white burgundy. Anything with lots of small dishes like meze and tapas is right up my street. Adore a curry and anything spicy.

HATE dodgy animal parts or anything offally or suety. Loathe milk, overcooked greens and Mother’s Pride type bread. There was a time when a steak and kidney pudding and cabbage would reduce me to tears. In fact even thinking about S&K pudding works as aversion therapy. See tip number 31.

If you are sitting on a hot tip or trick that will help keep Writer’s Bottom (stomach / arms / thighs / chins) at bay, then we are running an exciting competition to go with this book – to win a writers’ retreat worth £875! Rules and entry code on my blog (http://janewenhamjones.wordpress.com/100-ways-to-fight-the-flab-tip-writing-competition). You don’t have to buy the book to enter but…

1) you might not win if you don’t – it has to be a DIFFERENT tip from the 100 listed already;

2) you don’t want to be tight, do you?

If you’re happy to have the book on iTunes instead of Kindle, you can be parsimonious, if you move quickly, because it is FREE right now if you click here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/100-ways-to-fight-the-flab/id591647028?ls=1

Thank you, Jane. Good luck, everyone.

Jane is the author of four novels and two non-fiction books – Wannabe a Writer? – a humorous look at becoming a scribe – and Wannabe a Writer We’ve Heard Of? a guide to the art of book and self promotion. As a freelance journalist she has appeared in a wide range of women’s magazines and national newspapers and writes regular columns for Woman’s Weekly and Writing Magazine, where she is the agony aunt.

Jane is an experienced tutor who is regularly booked by writing conferences and literary festivals to run workshops and give talks on all aspects of the writing process. She is also a member of Equity, has presented for the BBC on both TV and radio and has done her fair share of daytime TV, particularly when promoting her controversial second novel Perfect Alibis (subtitled How to have an affair and get away with it…) It was those – sometimes hair-raising – TV experiences that inspired Prime Time, her new novel.

For more information see http://www.janewenham-jones.com and http://janewenhamjones.wordpress.com. Prime Time is available as a paperback and eBook.

100 Ways to Fight the Flab – The Wannabe Guide to a Better Bottom is also available now on Kindle.

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If you would like to write a writing-related guest post for my blog then feel free to email me with an outline of what you would like to write about. If it’s writing-related then it’s highly likely I’d email back and say “yes please”.

The blog interviews return as normal tomorrow morning with novelist and children’s author Michael Rowland – the six hundred and tenth of my blog interviews with novelists, poets, short story authors, bloggers, autobiographers and more. A list of interviewees (blogged and scheduled) can be found here. If you like what you read, please do go and investigate further. And I enjoy hearing from readers of my blog; do either leave a comment on the relevant interview (the interviewees love to hear from you too!) and / or email me.

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As I post an interview a day (amongst other things) I can’t unfortunately review books but I have a list of those who do, and a feature called ‘Short Story Saturdays’ where I review stories of up to 2,500 words (and post stories of up to 3,000 words), or posted for others to critique (up to 5,000 words) on the new Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group. Alternatively if you have a short story or self-contained novel extract / short chapter (ideally up to 1000 words) that you’d like critiqued and don’t mind me posting it online in my new Red Pen Critique Sunday night posts, then do email me. I am now also looking for flash fiction (<1000 words) for Flash Fiction Fridays and poetry for Post-weekend Poetry and Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group.

Four new online writing groups:

• Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group (http://novelwritinggroup.wordpress.com / http://www.facebook.com/groups/508696639153189)
• Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group (http://poetrywritinggroup.wordpress.com / http://www.facebook.com/groups/388850977875934)
• Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group (http://scriptwritinggroup.wordpress.com / http://www.facebook.com/groups/319941328108017)
• Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group (http://shortstorywritinggroup.wordpress.com / http://www.facebook.com/groups/544072635605445)