Poetry homework – ‘Old before my time’ (critique welcomed)

It dawned on me this morning that I’m off to Northampton Writers’ Group tomorrow night and need a poem to read out. OK so I have plenty of old ones but that’s what they are; old and I’ve probably read most of them already. So I needed something new and in the absence of today’s Story A Day prompt (which will probably inspire prose anyway), I came up with this while… well, you’ll soon see where. And it’s as I’ve written it (a 20-minute gush) so feel free to give (constructive) critique. I may well pull it apart before tomorrow night anyway… or do something else. 🙂

Old before my time

Knees crack, crouching down

dog wanders, I find a bag.

Scoop… hold my breath

and we’re away.

His mission lampposts

mine to write.

My brain is empty

he doesn’t care,

doesn’t notice

as my brow furrows.

Curse creative crippling

as the blank page stares.

Flick the notebook:

all the same…

page after page

of brain-like space.

Homework, housework

which to do first.

Neither inspires

but I take my pick.

I plug the hoover,

press the switch.

It roars into life

as I bend down

but my back bristles

and my foot hits the off.

Back to the blank

and I stare into space

wishing on the wind

for time and place.

Right, I’m off to do my Red Cross duties then back here later to check for the http:storyaday.org prompt (unless I’ve succumbed to Tweet Deck whilst I’m out) so I can start my story then take another look at the above poem and shake my head.

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