Memories of a Trip
Scared out of my mind
Chilled to the bone under layers of blankets
In my surgical gown and silly cap
I wait to be knocked out by Ketamine
The human horse tranquillizer
Headed to ‘a happy place’
A medically induced coma to interrupt incessantly firing nerve networks
Causing me migraines on end
Shutting down continuous pain signals that have outgrown their usefulness
But keep creating havoc and agony.
I of little faith am afraid.
One minute I was there
The other I’m disintegrating
Reduced to a molecule, an eye
Flung into a white room square and empty.
Space Odyssey without the music
Residual Me is propelled forward
Hurled into corners of bright nothingness
My frontal cortex is dissociated from my body
No hands to hold on to safety, no legs to stem the fall
Catapulted down a slide
Another white chamber with infinite boundaries
Unlike the mystical bright light at the end of a tunnel.
Is this dying?
No peace and calm but
Howling pain and fear
Real sensations override where oblivion should rule.
Resurfacing from the vortex
I get a grip
Of my doctor’s hand
The pain never went away
Keeps torturing me
Costlier than an acid trip, but FDA approved
Another hope shattered
Leaving me with this memory
where there should be none.
© 9-13-12 Siggy Buckley
I asked Siggy what prompted this piece and she said…
The recent experience of a ‘Ketamine intervention’ triggered off this poem. This procedure sends the patient into an artificial coma; used primarily on burn victims, it makes the pain bearable that accompanies the changing of their bandages. For them it’s proven to work.
It is now tried also on chronic pain patients diagnosed with a centrally mediated pain syndrome where pain signal – sending nerves are out of whack and make life a torture. It was an attempt by highly-trained pain management experts to interrupt my pain cycle and reset the brain to normal.
In party circles it’s known as the ”K hole” when a user takes too much of the drug and goes on a wild trip.
Wow. Thank you, Siggy.
Siggy Buckley is a 50-ish year-old German, formerly a teacher, small business owner, and now writer who lived in Ireland for 15 years as a result of her then-husband taking his family to an organic farm, there. She has also taught at the University of Limerick.
After the break-up of her marriage, she morphed herself into an entrepreneur, first a matchmaker and then wine importer. She married an Irish American in 2005 and dabbles in blogging & writing.
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