Today’s guest blog post is brought to you by Clarkson Graham. who talks about why he wrote his book, Married to Crazy. And there’s the chance to win Clarkson’s book…
What is Recovery?
Is there a set amount time that had to elapse before I was back to my normal self? Do I have to wake-up on a certain number of consecutive mornings without thinking of the pain that she inflicted to call myself recovered? Do I have to see her and not suffer a flashback?
I have wrestled with the word recovery for a long time. I wondered if someone had developed specific criteria that I could measure myself against to ascertain whether I had fully recovered following my marriage to Crazy. I also wondered whether I had endured too much and would have to come to grips with the fact that I would never return to the person I once was. I guess only time would tell.
Initially, I thought that I should’ve been fully recovered one year after I left my marriage. Even though I had been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) about 10-months earlier, I was taking my prescription medication daily, my anxiety was under control, my divorce was in progress, and I had not seen or heard from my ex-wife since that eventful day. The day that she came to my house, scratched herself on her arm and tried to frame me for domestic abuse. All in all, things were getting better.
I had been on medication for PTSD for about 15-months at this point and I went to see my doctor about the possibility of weaning myself off of it. When I woke up and took my medication, I was reminded of her and the damage she had inflicted upon me, and that upset me terribly. I wanted and needed to feel like the Clarkson of old; the Clarkson who didn’t need medication to calm his anxiety and stabilize his moods. Both my doctor and I thought that I was ready to come off the medication however; we were both terribly wrong.
I decided that I was ready to start dating again, and I met a woman online. We were headed out to dinner one Saturday evening when I stopped at Starbucks for a coffee. I paid for my coffee, left the building, got into my car and started the engine. As I was about to leave the parking lot, I looked to the left, and just as I turned my head to the right, I saw Olga, my ex-wife, get out of her car. I freaked. I was hysterical. I was completely overwhelmed. I was scared. My fight or flight instinct was fully activated, and I couldn’t calm myself down. I lacked the ability to effectively think myself out of this situation. I could calm myself down on my own before my relationship with Crazy, and also when I was on my medication however; seeing her triggered so much anxiety and fear that I couldn’t reason why way through it.
I ruined the night. My girlfriend, not knowing how to deal with my extreme reactions, soon became my ex-girlfriend. She thought I was crazy. She had no idea what it was like to witness someone with PTSD deal with a triggering event. I certainly wouldn’t have expected her to know either. I had never acted like this before, and I was afraid that I had completely lost the ability to control my emotions. In the end, I learned a valuable lesson and that was; I was not fully recovered and back to normal health, and maybe I would never be.
The next day, I put two-and-two together and determined that the medication was central in helping me manage my mood and anxiety. Given this fact, I made an appointment with my doctor to ask him if he would prescribe me with more medication. Given the situation, he was more than willing to comply.
As I write this blog, I am still on medication and unfortunately, I may have to be on it for the rest of my life. Living through a traumatic situation may have altered my brain chemistry forever. Although I am shocked and somewhat disappointed at the fact that I still have to take a pill every morning, I am gradually getting used to it. I have no choice in the matter. Taking a pill is far better than being Married to Crazy; that is for sure.
Thank you, Clarkson. I’m so glad the ‘old’ you is back. I’ve lost three stone (two to go) in the past five months and I’m nearly back to my ‘old’ self too. 🙂
About Clarkson Graham: “I am not a victim, nor will I be. I am a survivor. As a survivor, I was able to subjugate my feelings of weakness and powerlessness and eventually discover the desire, courage, and fortitude I needed to access the support and resources that were necessary to begin the recovery process. I can say that my continuing growth and development has been defined, in part, by my ability to triumph over a complicated life situation, and now, with this book, I am sharing my knowledge and insight as I continue on my healing journey.“ You can find out more about Clarkson from http://marriedtocrazy.ca/ and https://www.facebook.com/clarkson.graham.
About Married to Crazy:
Married to Crazy is how Clarkson Graham met and fell in love with Olga, the woman of his dreams. Their courtship, engagement, and eventual marriage followed. As their relationship progressed, Olga’s behavior became progressively more volatile and abusive. All along, Clarkson lived in the hope that he could “fix” her problems and live up to her perplexing expectations, until one appalling event drove him to his breaking point. Following therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder, Clarkson finally put his life back together again and was then determined to share his experience, and especially what he had learned, with other people—and particularly with other men—who might find themselves in a similar situation.
Where to Purchase:
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarriedtoCrazy/app_599788450050788
- Website: www.marriedtocrazy.ca (physical only)
- Kobo: http://store.kobobooks.com/en-CA/ebook/married-to-crazy
- Amazon: http://www.amazon.ca/Married-Crazy-Post-Traumatic-Disorder-ebook/dp/B00BWUXQR6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383592587&sr=8-1&keywords=Married+to+crazy
- Indigo: http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/married-to-crazy-a-mans/9781771361552-item.html?ikwid=Married+to+Crazy&ikwsec=Home
- First Prize: $50 Amazon Gift Card plus autographed copy of Married to Crazy
- Second Prize: Autographed copy of Married to Crazy
- Third Prize: Autographed copy of Married to Crazy
Rafflecopter giveaway: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/share-code/Y2ZkMWRlMjgzM2ZkMWM4ZTE5MGFhYzhiMGY3M2M4OjY=/
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