Flash Fiction Friday 056: The Main Course by Christopher Farley

Welcome to Flash Fiction Friday and the fifty-sixth piece of flash fiction in this series. This week’s welcomes back Christopher Farley with his 661-worder.

The Main Course

He made everyone look up from their meals, both female and male.  He wasn’t good looking; far from it, but he had a certain something.  He was dressed in a blue shark-skin suit, and, strangely, a claret shirt.  It wasn’t this sartorial stew that drew attention though.

His face was fairly pointed and his mouth, unsmiling, seemed a little deformed, as if it had little in common with the rest of his face.  Whatever it was, it had an effect.  People stopped eating to watch him walk by; although his walk also was a little unnatural.  He seemed to glide instead of taking steps.  He was sat at a table toward the dimly lit rear of the restaurant.  He scanned the restaurant, his eyes like black marble holding the gaze of the other people till, one by one, they dropped theirs.

The Maître d’ availed himself immediately.  He arrived at the table; flicking a quick hand across the tablecloth and removing two almost invisible specks of something in one go.

“I feel carnivorous this evening,” said the man.  “I think a plate of bresaola will do me for starters.  I’ll make my mind up on the main course as I chew.”

The Maître d’ nodded.

“A bottle of sparkling water also,” the man said. “I like the way those bubbles go to my head.”

Once again the Maître d’ nodded and, avoiding the seated man’s eyes, made his way to the kitchen.  He sent a waiter with the bottle of water.

The restaurant noise resumed its previous level.  Couples enjoying a romantic for two, a rose placed between them.  Business associates enjoying heated debates over targets hit and missed.  Ernest salesmen continuing their sales pitch between forkfuls of tagliatelle.

The order arrived.  Placing the plate of cured meat in front of the man, the waiter, no doubt briefed by the Maître d’, asked if he’d considered his main course.

“Still thinking,” said the man.  He hinted at a smile, allowing a glimpse of that strange mouth.  The waiter felt a small shiver run down his back but couldn’t put his finger on why it should be.  Returning a professional smile, honed during 25 years’ service, he made his way from the table.

The discussion at a table of hard-nosed marketing execs started getting heated; a little too much wine or possibly after-dinner cognac getting the better of two of them and the argument promised to get out of hand.

The man polished off the starter in less than a minute, all the while keeping his eye on events in the restaurant.  The Maître d’ was standing at the table, imploring calm with his hands held outwards but to little avail.  The shouting reached a crescendo, one of the men, with a fat sweating face and cheeks flush from the booze, was now on his feet and waving his arms around, occasionally pointing a shaking hand at one of his colleagues; a crew-cut kid with the face and neck of a bulldog.

“You’re just an overblown tele-salesman,” shouted the sweating man. “You’ve seen nothing!  We’ve been through the mill, busting our ass, studying what we do.  You arrive, make 50 phone calls and hit a lucky.  What do you know about market analytics or product lifecycle?  You just kiss the right ass in the right place and think you’re God’s gift.”

Crew-cut raised himself out of his seat and leant over the table. Then there came the sound of breaking glass.

“Shit!”

Mr. Waving Arms held his hand to his cheek, blood seeping through his fingers.  Grabbing a serviette to hold against the man’s face, the Maître d’ led him by the arm, pointing to the men’s service area.  As he quickly returned to the table of still-arguing marketing execs, the man in the shark-skin suit, alone in the semi-dark, smiled to himself, revealing a huge set of triangular teeth. He breathed in the smell of blood, and glided from his chair.

Another dark piece… just how I like them. Thank you, Chris.

Christopher Farley.  He lived a sheltered life in the wilds of Kent from where he was saved by the written word.  So much so that he still corresponds with certain people with A PEN AND PAPER!!  Upon moving to London, a bit like Dick Whittington, searching for streets of gold, he happened upon a beautiful Italian lady who later decided to take him to the sunny realm of southern Switzerland, where he can still be found, smiling inanely, continuously in search of Weissbier.  When he is not working or drinking he sits in front of the computer, searching for fictional inspiration. You can find Chris via his blog http://talkingtosh.wordpress.com.

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If you’d like to submit your 1,000-word max. stories for consideration for Flash Fiction Friday take a look here.

The blog interviews will return as normal tomorrow with children’s author C Lee McKenzie – the five hundred and nineteenth of my blog interviews with novelists, poets, short story authors, bloggers, biographers, agents, publishers and more. A list of interviewees (blogged and scheduled) can be found here. If you like what you read, please do go and investigate further. And I enjoy hearing from readers of my blog; do either leave a comment on the relevant interview (the interviewees love to hear from you too!) and / or email me.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything… and follow me on Twitter where each new posting is automatically announced. You can also read / download my eBooks and free eShorts at SmashwordsSony Reader StoreBarnes & NobleiTunes BookstoreKobo and Amazon, with more to follow. I have a new forum, friend me on Facebook, like me on Facebook, connect with me on LinkedIn, find me on Tumblr, complete my website’s Contact me page or plain and simple, email me. I also now have a new blog creation service especially for, but not limited to, writers.

Unfortunately, as I post an interview a day (amongst other things) I can’t review books but I have a feature called ‘Short Story Saturdays’ where I review stories of up to 2,500 words. Alternatively if you have a short story or self-contained novel extract / short chapter (ideally up to 1000 words) that you’d like critiqued and don’t mind me reading it / talking about and critiquing it (I send you the transcription afterwards so you can use the comments or ignore them) 🙂 on my ‘Bailey’s Writing Tips’ podcast, then do email me. They are fortnightly episodes, usually released on Sundays, interweaving the recordings between the red pen sessions with the hints & tips episodes. I am now also looking for poetry for Post-weekend Poetry.

Flash Fiction Friday 055: Homespun Cryonics by Angela Sargenti

Welcome to Flash Fiction Friday and the fifty-fifth piece in this series. This week’s is a 133-worder by erotica and horror author Angie Sargenti. This story will be podcasted in episode 19 (Sunday 30th December).

Homespun Cryonics

Good old auntie.

She always wanted to live in a snowy kind of place, so I did the best I could.  I gave her a nice, pretty scarf and a puffy down jacket and a new pair of skis, and she was on her way.

“Get what you can out of the bastards,” she told me, just before she left.  “How else can you afford a place like this?  The taxes alone’ll kill you.”

Hell, some people live past ninety and still get paid.

Why not auntie?

Besides, she’s happy as a clam now.  Every time I see her, she’s got a big smile on her face.

Homespun cryonics is what I call.

They’ll call it sticking my dead aunt in the freezer so I can cash her Social Security checks.

***

I asked Angela what prompted this piece and she said…

One time I had writer’s block so I was goofing around on the web and found a site with one word prompts.  I pasted the ones I liked into a document in two columns, and homespun and cryonics just happened to be next to each other at the tops of the columns.  Seeing them together like that just sparked the story for me and I wrote it down right away.

I love it when that happens (every other Monday in my writing workshop :)). Thank you, Angela.

Angela is the author of the zombie blog, After Old Joe, and is hard at work on her latest novel.

She has penned dozens of erotica stories for sites such as For The Girls, Oysters & Chocolate, and Every Night Erotica, and has recently served as guest-editor for a month-long issue of Leo DeGraunce.

Her main focus is on erotica, but she also admits to a fondness for horror—especially the zombie genre, as evidenced by her recent story, “Man Meat”, which was featured on Thrillers, Killers and Chillers.

Her story “My Special Day” appears in the recently-published anthology, My First Threesome. 

Her two sexy e-books, Working Out the Kinks and Start Me Up: A Collection of Erotic Love Stories are now available at Amazon.

Be sure to check out her zombie blog After Old Joe and her erotica blog Friday I’m In Love.

You can find out more about Angela and her writing at http://www.angiesargenti.blogspot.comhttp://www.amazon.com/author/angelasargentihttp://pinterest.com/angiesargenti, and @angiesargenti on Twitter.

***

If you’d like to submit your 1,000-word max. stories for consideration for Flash Fiction Friday take a look here.

The blog interviews will return as normal tomorrow with novelist, short story author, poet and illustrator Sophie E Tallis – the five hundred and twelfth of my blog interviews with novelists, poets, short story authors, bloggers, biographers, agents, publishers and more. A list of interviewees (blogged and scheduled) can be found here. If you like what you read, please do go and investigate further. And I enjoy hearing from readers of my blog; do either leave a comment on the relevant interview (the interviewees love to hear from you too!) and / or email me.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything… and follow me on Twitter where each new posting is automatically announced. You can also read / download my eBooks and free eShorts at SmashwordsSony Reader StoreBarnes & NobleiTunes BookstoreKobo and Amazon, with more to follow. I have a new forum, friend me on Facebook, like me on Facebook, connect with me on LinkedIn, find me on Tumblr, complete my website’s Contact me page or plain and simple, email me. I also now have a new blog creation service especially for, but not limited to, writers.

Unfortunately, as I post an interview a day (amongst other things) I can’t review books but I have a feature called ‘Short Story Saturdays’ where I review stories of up to 2,500 words. Alternatively if you have a short story or self-contained novel extract / short chapter (ideally up to 1000 words) that you’d like critiqued and don’t mind me reading it / talking about and critiquing it (I send you the transcription afterwards so you can use the comments or ignore them) 🙂 on my ‘Bailey’s Writing Tips’ podcast, then do email me. They are fortnightly episodes, usually released on Sundays, interweaving the recordings between the red pen sessions with the hints & tips episodes. I am now also looking for flash fiction (<1000 words) for Flash Fiction Fridays and poetry for Post-weekend Poetry.